The Super Mario Bros Super Show
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The name of this one gives a horror-movie-at-the-drive-in kind of vibe. Something with orphans killing all they see. The episode is actually not that interesting.
The next episode starts with Luigi playing chess with…well honestly I don't know what that is. I guess it's Cousin It's brother who works for the sanitation department and gets his looks from their Scandinavian side of the family.
They do the age old joke where the thing takes forever to move, Luigi complains, does his move quickly, and then that thing beats him. However ,unlike Luigi, I was paying attention and noticed he moved a pawn incorrectly. For shame strange sewer creature, cheating like that, for shame.
Not that I can talk. One time back when I was 18 I played Chess with a 12 year old. Long story short, I moved a piece incorrectly, he caught me doing it, I faked like it was a mistake, put the piece back in a different spot, and went on to win the game. There may not be much honor in cheating twice to beat a child in Chess, but I'm sure Eddie Guerro would be proud of me. Cheat to win, cheat to win.
Oh hey, it's Winnie Cooper. She tells her story while some somewhat inappropriate medieval music plays. The music will later be featured in the cartoon which has a King Arthur feel. No idea why it's being used now.
Fun story, one time I found a bunch of VHS tapes in my basement so me and some friends and my brother watched them. First we watched this episode and were pumped to see an actress from The Wonder Years. Then later we watched Dinosaurs and were even more pumped to see Fred Savage. And before you make snide comments, yes we were aware how lame that was.
Winnie gives a sad story about how she has no family and lives on the road and it is her birthday and nobody cares. Mario and Luigi have a conversation which consists entirely of sound effects from Mario Brothers games, and then tell her they will throw her a party. They play sound effects from the video games a lot during these shorts.
Winnie gets excited about the party and asks if they can have cake and a VCR and a high definition TV. Apparently those existed back in the forsaken time of the 80s. I don't know why people are making a big deal over high definition TVs now if we had them way back then. What next? People going to start creaming themselves over Commodore 64s? "Check it out dude, it's got 16 colors and this wack game based off of Peter and the Wolf! The old man makes shapes come out of his fiddle and you got to pick the right on or you fall through the floor!"
Luigi tells her to slow down because he and Mario are poor plumbers and can't afford nice things. I don't know what kind of plumbers there are in Brooklyn but in my experience plumbers are loaded. At least I assume they are based off of how much they charge to get dead rats out of my pipes.
The segment ends with them pulling out money. I can't tell but it looks like it might be a high denomination so all the shit about being poor plumbers was a lie. Also this picture makes it looks like Winnie is their bookie and they owe her money.
After breaking for the cartoon we return to find Winnie watching TV while the Marios set up a party. There is a sweet synthesizer song which just screams "birthday" playing in the background. Not literally mind you, the song is instrumental. I just mean it sounds appropriate for a birthday party.
Winnie asks for more popcorn and Mario says he has to blow up a balloon first. Winnie then yells at him and Luigi calls her a bitch.
There's a knock at the door and it turns out it is Winnie's real mom and dad. She slams the door in their face because she doesn't want them to ruin her ploy to cheat the Mario Brothers out of large amounts of money.
Luigi gets the door and says "Motha fatha, fudget about it" which marks the first time he or Mario talked with an Italian accent since I started watching these things. Winnie's parents aren't surprised that their daughter tried to trick Mario and Luigi because she apparently does this all the time. She really hates her parents and constantly tells people they are dead.
Winnie's parents ask about the decorations and Luigi tell them it was a surprise party for their daughter. I'm sorry Luigi but I think she figured out you were throwing her a party around when she told you to throw her a party. Also your apartment only has one room in it and she has been there all day.
Winnie tries to keep up the charade, but it fails. Her dad says she will be sent to her room until the end of the century, which is a really long time. Luigi suggests they have the party anyways since it's not like they can get their money back on party hats and a bowl of what appears to be potato salad. At least nobody stepped in the cake this time.
Is it just me or does Winnie look like an Indian?
Hey we didn't get a Legend of Zelda preview? What the fuck?