The Super Mario Bros Super Show
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Trust me, this ones a little scary.
Our tale begins with Mario and Luigi excitedly cleaning because none other then Lyle Alzaldo is coming over for lunch. No, I don't know who it is either. This must be a big deal though because as we have already established these two are complete slobs. However they will not leave cakes and Italian cuisine on random chairs when Lyle Alzaldo comes over. No way mother fucker!
In fact Mario is so excited that he spills the beans about Lyle Alzaldo coming over to his two cousins, Marianne and Luigeena, who just called him on the phone. This angers Luigi because Marianne and Luigeena are really horny and crazy. They are sure to come over and cause comic mishap.
I haven't mentioned these yet. The DVD contains the bumpers that were played before and after commercial breaks. They all have some little joke that tells you to stay tuned in a way that is relevant to the episode. Sometimes they reference events that actually haven't happened yet in the episode because the writers were all drunk. As they return to from the break Mario says "Let's hope Lyle Alzada doesn't get to our place before we do." The trouble is Mario and Luigi don't leave to get more food until the next act. It is nice that they completely explain what is going to happen so that we aren't surprised or anything.
Speaking of the next act, it begins with Mario and Luigi deciding to go out and get refreshments. They leave via a door that Nicole Eggert used to enter when she came out of their medicine cabinet. The refreshments we hear Mario say they are getting are the following: two pounds of grapes, two pounds of figs and two dozen tangerines. Mario and Luigi seem to think Lyle Alzaldo is a girl drink drunk or something. Luigi also says he hopes that their crazy cousins don't show up while they are gone. Thanks for reminding us of the plot Luigi.
Lyle Azaldo shows up and comes to the conclusion that Mario and Luigi have gone out to get refreshments. He then sits on the couch awkwardly waiting for them to return. Earlier we learned he only met the Mario Brothers that morning when they fixed his clog and then invited him to lunch. So really these guys are strangers and he is waiting for them so show up.
That's when Marianne and Luigeena show up. What are you surprised? It was the 80s. Every single TV show did an episode where the main characters dressed up like women for some reason. It was really classy, like British humour, or Kids in the Hall.
Kids in the Hall was awesome, although I have to wonder why I didn't link to a sketch where they are in dresses. That would have been a lot more relevant. Oh well, too late now.
Anyways Lyle Azaldo was waiting for some strangers he just met and they show up dressed as women. Marianne and Luigeena tell him who they are. Lyle Azaldo still assumes it is Mario and Luigi in drag and is scared of the rape that is surely in his future.
Marianne sends Luigeena to find Mario and Luigi while she rapes Lyle Azaldo.
The makeup they used to cover Captail Lou's mustache really makes Marianne look horrific. Lyle Azaldo suggests that instead of raping him they both watch the Legend of Zelda preview. Sounds good to me!
In this week's Legend of Zelda we almost see Link's balls.
Luigi gets back, but Mario is mysteriously missing. Come on guys. Growing Pains could afford to show two Kirk Camerons on the screen at the same time. You can't do the same? The special effects budget must have all been spent on all that green screen at the beginning.
Also Lyle Azaldo is pissed.
Marianne leaves to find her sister and in a major coincidence Mario comes back, clearly without the things they left to get. Lyle Azaldo says he is happy to see Mario in pants, showing he still thinks that Mario and Luigi dressed like woman in order to rape him.
Then Marianne and Luigeena stick their heads in the door. Without appearing in the same frame as Mario and Luigi they tell Lyle Azaldo that they can't go dancing tonight because they just saw Mel Gibson and they are going to stalk him home and rape him.
Lyle is sad because after confirming that Marianne send Luigeena are women he wanted to go dancing with them. He is desperate and will sleep with anything.
Hey, he got to dance with them after all.
Each episode ends the only way it should. With Captain Lou Albano dancing in front of a green screen and singing "Do the Mario" a song that tells us to do the Mario about 500 times. I can be honest, from an unbiased stand point that the show is kind of lame, but I grew up with the show and can say that despite my wise ass remarks I loved every single sexond of it. That's right sexond. It's like a second that is also sex. Actually I just made that up after I made a funny typo. But yeah, nostalgia is cool and thanks to DVDs we can fully indulge in it.
Do the Mario everybody, do the Mario indeed.